How do the ladies see you ?

How do the ladies see you ? by Mark Turner


The way we behave around others is the single most important factor that decides how successful we will be with the ladies. Everything from what comes out of our mouths, to what we wear and how we act will decide our fate at the end of the night.

Most guys only need a little tweaking to their persona to make them attractive enough to get some attention from the ladies. It's not that tough if you're willing to put in the effort. The sad thing is that most guys never try at all, and then they wonder why they spend so much time with their hand instead of a woman.

I'm not going to say that all women like certain qualities in men. Each woman is different and will find certain things more appealing than others. What I'll look at here is some general things that every guy should do if he wants to get some on a regular basis, instead of the rare booze-influenced fling.

It's no secret that we're all different-looking and that some dudes get chicks just because they look good. Not all of us are born like that, but there are many ways to make yourself attractive that can even out your chances. If you ask a group of 10 women what their most important quality in a man is, eight out of 10 will name some personality trait instead of looks. That means that every guy has a chance if he can display himself well and show that he cares about himself and how he's viewed.

Rule No. 1 is personal grooming. Taking a shower and putting on your favorite shirt is not enough, unless you look like John Stamos. Being a man means that we're usually hairy. Unless it's on your head, under your arms, or on your legs and arms, body hair is usually a turn-off to the ladies. The chest is ok with some, but most girls prefer as little as possible.

That doesn't mean you have to shave your whole body, although some guys do, and it would probably help you more than hurt you. What it does mean is if you have a lot of back hair or long mutant eyebrow hair, it would be in your best interest to clean it up. The real important spots are nose hair and ear hair. These two spots are seen all the time, and when it goes unchecked, it shows a bit of laziness on your part. A girl doesn't want to look into your eyes and see what looks like octopi hanging out of your nose. Would you?

So, once you get your body hair sorted out, you can take a look at your clothing situation. It would be nice to have the latest styles and custom-fitted, but most of us get our clothes at the mall. Your clothing can be whatever you like. You're more apt to present a positive persona if you like the clothes you're wearing. Just remember the basics and try not to wear sneakers to the bar. If you don't have a nice pair of shoes, start saving your money because sneakers at the bar are like a horn growing out of your head to the ladies. They love shoes and will look to see what you're wearing within the first minute of meeting you, most of them anyway. And add a belt if you don't already wear one.

So, now you look as good as you're going to look. What's next on the list? The next and most important thing is how you carry yourself. We all can't have the charm of George Clooney, but we can take some steps to ensure that we don't spend the evening cutting off our own feet. The basic rule to follow in the bar is to not get too drunk. A lot of us need some liquid courage to feel comfortable when we're cruising the ladies. Don't be the guy who requires too much courage and gets too drunk. Unless she's drunk, this leaves you dead in the water.

If one type of personality attracts women more than any other, it's the Alpha male type. Alpha males are confident and project that they can take care of themselves. Women are instinctively geared to be attracted to the dominant male. That doesn't mean that you have to be loud or boss your buddies around. The best way to present an Alpha personality is to be the first guy to do it. The first one to order drinks, the first to walk in the room, the first to initiate a conversation with her. The guys you're out with won't notice what you're doing, but the ladies will, and they'll like it. It makes them feel they will be safe if they're with a capable Alpha male type. You can still be - and should be - yourself; just make a little effort to show that you have a pair and you're not scared to put yourself out there.

Once you actually start chatting up a girl, there are couple of things to keep in mind. When trying to impress the ladies, you must remember to keep things positive. Making fun of other people or bitching about the world will only make you look like a complainer. There's no impression like a first impression, and making sure that initial conversation is positive is as important as remembering her name. (For God's sake, remember her name.)

The single most important thing to do is to listen when you're in a conversation. Most guys are self absorbed (it's what hurts the good-looking guys the most). Make sure you hear everything she's saying. It wouldn't hurt to refer to something she said earlier, just to show that you were listening. Women want to feel special. Listening to their issues will achieve that and more. Don't try and solve their problems whatever you do, just listen and tell them that it always works out in the end.

The eight out of 10 women who would name a personality trait instead of looks, most often will say that a sense of humor is the most important one. Not all of us are comedians, but keeping the attitude upbeat will achieve the same thing. If you are capable of making a room laugh, this is the best time to employ the skill.

This is also a good time to show her that you're not cheap. The single most unattractive trait you can have is to be a cheapskate. If you were a woman, would you want to be with a guy who doesn't want to share what they have? Take this opportunity to buy her a drink, or a round of drinks would be even better. She'll see a generous, fun guy who's interested in everyone's good time, not just his own. Pay for the cab if you head home with her and don't let her pay for anything until your third or fourth date. And then, only if she offers.

As the evening moves forward and things seem to be going well, the only thing that can mess this up is you. Most women know if they're interested or not within the first couple of minutes of meeting you. If you've made it this far, you're in good shape, so don't apply too much pressure to try and take her home. This is the finest of lines and every chick has her own level before she gets turned off.

If things do get to the physical side of things, this is when you can turn the tables on her. One of the first things I learned about women is that they get excited if you do something they're not expecting. Instead of turning up the heat when it gets physical, try and leave her wanting more. Take your time and don't go for the home run right away. Just enough action to get her worked up and then back off a bit.

Run to the bathroom or get a drink. When she asks what you are doing, tell her that she's getting you too hot and you have to back off. She'll be climbing you like a tree in about 10 minutes. You'll be very surprised how well it works. It gives them control over the situation and it also gives them a small feeling of perhaps not being wanted. Women need to be desired; this can be a great tool if you can play it right.

How you are seen is completely up to you. Most of us don't look like male models, but most of us are having sex. Belief and confidence will carry you anywhere you wish to be. Spend some time preparing for the ladies and some time thinking about how well the next encounter will go.

It's really that simple. If you believe it will happen and you keep working at it, it will.




About the Author

Writing for Hustler Magazine